When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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