I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
