she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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