They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
