I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
