I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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