uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
