Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I died a long time ago.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
