Plan B is the new Plan A
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
