there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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