and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
