I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
