haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
