oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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