i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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