the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
