The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize