I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
