i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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