I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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