Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
