I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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