hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
