Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
