She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
