Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i now understand why vodka
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize