I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
