Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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