I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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