I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sober January is a disaster.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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