the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
