She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
