Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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