Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize