I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
