i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
