At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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