Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.

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(239): View more from Florida

Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet

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(248): View more from Michigan

ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

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(516): View more from New York

my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing

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(515): View more from Iowa

Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.

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(949): View more from California

i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.

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(404): View more from Georgia

All is fair in love and war and toga parties

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(858): View more from California

The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear

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(512): View more from Texas

There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.

(650): View more from California

you missed out this chick was licking her paddle

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