Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
