Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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