Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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