I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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