I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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