Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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