She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize