"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
birth control should be required to get into college
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
