Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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