Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this hospital has no fireball
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
