I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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