seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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