My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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