i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
