If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mom said you looked used
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
