just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
