i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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