like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize