he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
