just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
