Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
