6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
