this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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