You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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