My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
