Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
