How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
