i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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