i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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