oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
