you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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